A dandy

Do try and keep out of my way in future and in past, there’s a good fellow. The time continuum should be big enough for the both of us. Usually called ‘The Doctor.’ Or ‘The Caretaker.’ Or ‘Get off this planet.’ Though, strictly speaking, that probably isn’t a name. All thirteen! Your wish is my command. But be careful what you wish for. Jo, did you fail Latin as well as science? The Time Lords are an immensely civilised race. We can control our own environment – we can live forever, barring accidents, and we have the secret of space/time travel.

My last incarnation…oh, I was never happy with that one. It had a sort of feckless ‘charm’ which simply wasn’t me. Obviously the Time Lords have programmed the TARDIS always to return to Earth. It seems that I am some kind of a galactic yo-yo! You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can’t spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That’s the curse of the Time Lords. When I say run, run. …RUN! There’s something else I’ve always wanted to say: Allons-y, Alonso! Kidneys! I have kidneys. And I don’t like the colour.

You look beautiful! …considering. That you’re human. Overconfidence, this, and a small screwdriver. I’m absolutely sorted. Renewed? Have I? That’s it, I’ve been renewed. It’s part of the TARDIS. Without it I couldn’t survive. I’d call you a genius, except I’m in the room. As we learn about each other, so we learn about ourselves. If I grow to be half the man that you are, Clara Oswald, then I shall be happy indeed. Lots of planets have a North. Doctor no more. Oh, marvellous. You’re going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation.

‘Timey’ what? ‘Timey wimey’? Two wrongs don’t make a left turn. That’s the trouble with regeneration. You quite never know what you’re going to get. You ain’t seen nothing yet! Kidneys! I have kidneys. And I don’t like the colour. Am I having a midlife crisis? Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They’re scientific instruments not water pistols! Blimey, trying to make an Ood laugh… Kidneys! I have kidneys. And I don’t like the colour. I hate computers and refuse to be bullied by them.