Going home

Nine hundred years of time and space, and I’ve never been slapped by someone’s mother. Your species has the most amazing capacity for self-deception, matched only by its ingenuity when trying to destroy itself. My dear Miss Shaw, I never report myself anywhere, particularly not forthwith. Oh, the pointing again! They’re screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them? You’ll never understand. I want to see the universe, not to rule it. Yeah? Well I’m the Lord of Time. Don’t you think she looks tired?

I love humans. Always seeing patterns in things that aren’t there. I’ll tell you what, then: don’t…step on any butterflies. What have butterflies ever done to you? Jo, look. That’s Skaro. Small though it is, the human brain can be quite effective when working at full efficiency, not unlike myself! An old friend of mine. Well, enemy. The stuff of nightmares reduced to an exhibit. I’m getting old. Overconfidence, this, and a small screwdriver. I’m absolutely sorted. No idea. Just do what I do: hold tight and pretend it’s a plan.

Low tech? Grace, this is a type 40 TARDIS, able to take you to any planet in the universe and to any date in that planet’s existence. Temporal physics. I reversed the polarity of the neutron flow. Now, don’t antagonize her. I love a happy medium! Smith. Doctor John Smith. We’re trying to defeat the Daleks, not start a jumble sale! My writing gets worse and worse. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. I had to face my fear…that was more important than just going on living…. Would you like a jelly baby?

You may disguise your features but you can never disguise your intent. Nice to meet you, Rose. Am I having a midlife crisis? Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They’re scientific instruments not water pistols! This is a situation that requires tact and finesse. Fortunately, I am blessed with both. Are you listening to me? Please, when Torchwood comes to write my complete history, don’t tell people I travelled through time and space with her mother! He thinks I’m a charlatan, my Dear.

And I’m looking for a blonde in a Union Jack. A specific one, mind, I didn’t just wake up this morning with a craving. All thirteen! Jelly baby? How can you miss me? I’m easy to find. I’m the guy with two hearts, remember? Rest is for the weary, sleep is for the dead. I feel like a hungry man eager for the feast! Geronimo! We’re fallin’ through space, you and me, clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go… Kidneys! I have kidneys. And I don’t like the colour. New-new-Doctor.