An Universe

Allons-y! I hate computers and refuse to be bullied by them. Overconfidence, this, and a small screwdriver. I’m absolutely sorted. But it was a childish dream that made you a doctor. You dreamed you could hold back death. Isn’t that true? We are always in trouble! Isn’t it extraordinary—it follows us everywhere. There was a war. A Time War. The Last Great Time War. My people fought a race called the Daleks, for the sake of all creation. And they lost. We lost. Everyone lost. They’re all gone now. My family. My friends. Even that sky.

Do try and keep out of my way in future and in past, there’s a good fellow. The time continuum should be big enough for the both of us. Usually called ‘The Doctor.’ Or ‘The Caretaker.’ Or ‘Get off this planet.’ Though, strictly speaking, that probably isn’t a name. All thirteen! Your wish is my command. But be careful what you wish for. Jo, did you fail Latin as well as science? The Time Lords are an immensely civilised race. We can control our own environment – we can live forever, barring accidents, and we have the secret of space/time travel.

My last incarnation…oh, I was never happy with that one. It had a sort of feckless ‘charm’ which simply wasn’t me. Obviously the Time Lords have programmed the TARDIS always to return to Earth. It seems that I am some kind of a galactic yo-yo! You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can’t spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That’s the curse of the Time Lords. When I say run, run. …RUN! There’s something else I’ve always wanted to say: Allons-y, Alonso! Kidneys! I have kidneys. And I don’t like the colour.

You look beautiful! …considering. That you’re human. Overconfidence, this, and a small screwdriver. I’m absolutely sorted. Renewed? Have I? That’s it, I’ve been renewed. It’s part of the TARDIS. Without it I couldn’t survive. I’d call you a genius, except I’m in the room. As we learn about each other, so we learn about ourselves. If I grow to be half the man that you are, Clara Oswald, then I shall be happy indeed. Lots of planets have a North. Doctor no more. Oh, marvellous. You’re going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation.

‘Timey’ what? ‘Timey wimey’? Two wrongs don’t make a left turn. That’s the trouble with regeneration. You quite never know what you’re going to get. You ain’t seen nothing yet! Kidneys! I have kidneys. And I don’t like the colour. Am I having a midlife crisis? Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They’re scientific instruments not water pistols! Blimey, trying to make an Ood laugh… Kidneys! I have kidneys. And I don’t like the colour. I hate computers and refuse to be bullied by them.

Rose… before I go, I just want to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I! I need…I need…I need… fish fingers and custard! Jo, did you fail Latin as well as science? You were expecting someone else? Do you have to talk like children? What is it that makes you so ashamed of being a grown-up? Now would you stand aside before I shoot myself? A little gratitude wouldn’t irretrievably damage my ego. Come along, Pond! Oh, marvellous. You’re going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation.